


The Grey

by unholyseraphs (oncharredwings)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 03:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncharredwings/pseuds/unholyseraphs





	The Grey

_“When I asked you how you’d been….I meant that I missed you more than anything I’ve ever missed before.” – Iain Thomas_  
  
  


There was right and there was wrong. There was black and there was white. He knew the difference between right and wrong. He knew that words could cut like knives, but left invisible scars. He knew. But he also knew that there was grey, a middle ground between right and wrong. He had learned that from a very good friend, one who had taught him everything he really needed to know about humanity. Knowing the difference between right and wrong had used to be so easy for him, when he had not been human. Angels only knew black and white; they saw no grey in between. Humans, however, humans saw the black and the white and then they also saw the grey. Sometimes, doing what was sort of right but not completely wrong, was just as hard as trying to figure out what the right thing to do truly was. He had never meant to hurt Dean, he had never meant to cause him pain and distress, but his words had carried a heavier weight than expected on Dean’s shoulders. He just wished he could take it all back now.  
  
  
 _“I wrap my hands around your neck with love.” – 30 Seconds to Mars_  
  
  


Poisoned wine. 

That was what Castiel had told Dean their relationship was best represented as; days, good days, their relationship was sweet wine and Cas remembered what a wonderful person Dean could be, but on bad days Dean slipped arsenic into the wine, and nothing was good or kind. Bad days happened too often. Castiel feared bad days. 

He had hoped that by telling Dean this truth, by sharing the words with him out loud, Dean would realize that Cas was afraid of those days and he would do whatever he could to make those days less and less frequent. Their relationship could only better with the truth spoken out loud, but Cas had been wrong. Instead, their relationship had soured further. Dean did not talk to him; he did not even look at him all that often. Castiel had done his best to make everything right between himself and Dean, doing little gestures of love, but nothing worked. Dean was still angry and Cas was still lonely.  
  
  
 _“What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded: It was like hearing every good bye ever said to me – said all at once.” – Lang Leav_  
  
  


Why did feeling real emotion hurt so much? Why could he not go back to a time where there was no real emotion? Why could he just be an obedient soldier again? Why, why, why? 

The problem was, was that he knew why. The reason had two beautiful green eyes, sharp cheekbones, and a strong jaw; kissable lips that Cas liked to nibble gently, scars on calloused and worn hands. The reason had a name, a face, and a soul. The reason he had rebelled against Heaven, the reason he had given everything up so he could give those tense shoulders peace and rest. He knew why he could never go back to how it had been. Not now, not after everything that had transpired between them. Saying good-bye was hard…. having too much heart had always been Castiel’s problem.


End file.
